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Saturday, May 12, 2012

Forgive and Forget ?

Forgive and Forget ?

How often have we heard this age old phrase. 
This saying has been circulated so much but I'd really like to challenge this fallacy ! 

What is the value of forgiveness if we have 'forgotten' the misdeed done unto us?
Is it possible to forget, given the super memory power of our human brain?  Everything we know and learn, we remember - either implicitly or explicitly.  Even if we think we've forgotten something, it may be lurking in the 'repressed' or
               'sub-conscious' part of our brain, surfacing once in a while to 'haunt' us.

So if we cannot forget, does it mean we can never forgive ? 
I'd like to think that Forgiveness does not equate to dismissing the past or condoning the misdeed, but rather a conscious choice to let go of the bitterness.
But WHY (you may ask) should I forgo the bitterness?
The answer is simple :  You need to let go to move on !
Bitterness is a heavy burden to bear and will sap up our energy for pursuing other passions and dreams in our lives.

I'd like to break forgiving down into simple 'baby steps' in my own words:
Forgiveness is
i) Acknowledging the past event /misdeed
ii) Admiting (not denying) the hurt, pain and negative emotions associated with the misdeed
iii) Accepting that the past CANNOT be undone
iv) Realising that there is a choice to remain hurt and fixated in the negative emotions OR
     allowing yourself to gradually release that negative tension (via therapy, counseling, or pursuing your religion or hobbies), realising there's such a beautiful world out there for your to enjoy
v) Let time heal your wounds and live each day pursuing your dreams and passion

Of course, it's always easier said than done.  
But I believe if we make a conscious choice to forgive, move on and let time takes it's course, our wounds will heal.
Perhaps, a better phrase may be 'Forgive and move on'. 
You are free to live your life the way you want it, not to be bound by the shackels of the past.

Give yourself a second chance.
You have a choice to Forgive and be FREE, choose it today !

Have you been hurt before?
What have you done to move on from the past?
Feel free to share with me

follow me on!/dailymotiva

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Being trained in psychology, I hope to share some insights through my blog. May it be a source of daily inspiration for all.